So... Are you feeling better? Do you think you've grieved now?"
It’s a common question, but which I personally consider as sometimes inappropriate.
Grieving is not about finishing homework, a book or studies.
It presupposes that somebody grieving would have finished something.
But we do not move on to something else, just like that. We survive, tame loss and learn to live with it. This absence is given a different form, a different tone over time. But we don't "grieve". It’s like a journey, like a stick floating on a river, continuing its journey up the stream with the rhythm of the current. It goes through rocks, torrents, moments of peace, of absolute silence.
And no, you can never imagine what someone else is going through. Despite the expressions "I can imagine your grief” and “I ‘understand’ your pain”.
Each loss is eminently personal and each relationship between two human beings is unique.
After losing someone we love, we often see a change in our relationship with others and ourselves, in terms of our values and priorities in life.
It is not uncommon to be caught in a whirlwind of emotions where anger, fear, distress, guilt (and others) blend together. Sleep is often disrupted and the body is weakened.
But despite everything, I remain dazzled by these unsuspected resources within us that help us face the greatest sufferings that life can challenge us with.
It’s for this reason that my greatest wish is to offer support to the person going through this ordeal through several steps:
a) Identify where the person stands in certain fundamental aspects of mourning
b) Help him/her to gradually reach his/her resources, no matter how unattainable these may seem. In order for this floating stick in the river to continue its journey without ever definitely breaking. The aim of mourning is not to forget the person we love and who has passed away. It simply aims at being at peace with the loss.
I invite you to contact me for an appointment.